For most of my life I’ve been so scared that people won’t like me that I didn’t share my true personality. I would share the parts of me I thought others would like, and hide the parts that make me unique.
As I’m getting older, I have started to care less about what people think about me. I don’t care that I swear, that I’m blunt, that I prefer sweats over jeans, natural skin over makeup, that I’m sarcastic. But there is so much that even my closest friends don’t know about me. That I care so much. almost too much. that I worry about people, my friends, my family, my patients, the kids I coach. if you tell me something personal I won’t forget it, and think about it often, hoping you are doing okay. I feel like I put a lot of effort into some relationships and often don’t get as much back. I put myself out there. I risk getting hurt. I am so thankful I’m a nurse. I know there will always be someone to take care of. but in the back of my mind, I’m looking for someone to take care of me.
I’m known as a strong person, a tough hockey player, a rock. but I am really so sensitive. My sisters know this about me. I remember being younger and crying about something and my older sister telling me to not take things so personally. I just can’t help it. I hold onto things forever. I forgive, I don’t hold grudges, but I never forget.
I read a quote yesterday that says, “that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say: they think everyone else does too.” 99% of the time I mean what I say, I think quickly and usually never regret what I say. people who “know” me would probably agree with this. Which makes it hard for me to believe that people don’t think before they speak, especially during an emotional conversation. words hurt people.
Don’t worry about what people think about you. Be yourself- show every part of you, even the parts you think are ugly. People who care about you will love your ugliness too. Open yourself up to real relationships. Life is too short to waste time pretending to be someone you are not. Like Damian from the movie Mean Girls says to Cady… “Own It”.