I cried with my patient today.
We sat there hugging. Crying. In shock.
Weeks left? Months? No. No way.
Not after all the chemo. All the radiation. All the pills.
Once and awhile, a patient will get so close to my heart, it feels as if we are going through the journey together.
She is one of those patients.
And today hurts. So bad.
A nurse blogger Kati Kleber wrote an article on NurseEyeRoll.com called: “I Wish I Could Cry With You, But I Cant”. She wrote that nurses can’t cry with their patients because they have to continue their job after, moving on to other patients and complex situations. However, she explains, that she personally feels extreme empathy for her patients.
Brene Brown explains, “Empathy is a choice, a vulnerable choice, to connect with something inside ourselves that knows a specific feeling.”
Personally, I can cry with my patient in the moment, then gather myself and move on to my next patient. I still hold the sadness in my heart, but my mind can make clear decisions I’m a very emotional person. I feel things really deeply. I make strong connections. It’s a weakness and a strength.
This is why today I realized I am 100% meant to be an oncology nurse. and SO damn grateful this path lead me to an amazing job, with amazing coworkers, taking care of amazing patients.
To think that on a patient’s worse day of their life, I have the opportunity to take away even .001% of that pain. I want to try to do that. and I won’t hide my emotions. I am who I am. I am a nurse. I am here to take care of you. I am here to get you better.
I cried with my patient today.
And it’s keeping me up tonight.
my story. 
Katie! I just wanted to tell you how awesome your blog is! I connected on so many levels…..I was an oncology nurse straight outta nursing school (FULLTIME day shift….how does that happen?!?) I cried with my patients, too. I got close to them & their families. It wasn’t until I was pregnant with Paul Michael (I’m BethAnn’s mama, BTW!!) that my nursing life changed forever. I had taken care of Barbie for a year…. A full year of my young nurse’s life, when I got transferred off the oncology floor briefly. Working midnights during my pregnancy, I got a call one night. Barbie wanted to see me……to say goodbye! She passed away hours later. It was probably the hardest death I have ever handled. She was only ONE YEAR OLDER THAN ME!! At 23 years old, I remember distinctly sitting at her funeral with two nurse friends. It hit me strongly that I could no longer be ‘this attached’ to my patients. I had my own family coming. My own Baby to be born soon……..that’s when I began to see that ‘other side’ of nursing.
Keep up the good work, Katie! You’re gonna be a great nurse!! 💕
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thanks Robyn! I’ve been an oncology nurse for 3 years so I’m getting used to it, just recently moved jobs to a Cancer clinic from an inpatient medicine unit. I get attached but when my patients die I feel like their pain is over and they fought their best. it’s sad but I would want a nurse to be there for my mom, friend, or sister during their hardest days. I’m very blessed!
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For a moment the world stops when you know this will be the last time you will see your cancer center friend. Big golden tears build as you say your goodbyes and they spill over and run down your soft cheeks when you hug them for the last time. You can’t stop the flow. Your heart is richer for knowing them. They know it and you know it. Pure tender love… Katie I have seen this special gift of love flow from you in the short time I have known you. Bless your journey. Colleen
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thanks Colleen! I am scared for the day she passes, it will be very hard. but my life is much richer since she entered it. and you too!
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Katie…
This is so absolutely beautiful.
It’s always OK to cry with a patient.
Working Oncology for as long as I did…and the readmissions of the same patients…a special relationship developes.
With the patient as well as their family.
Such a special relationship…and we as the nurse are privileged to be allowed into the lives and deaths of these patients.
What a gift this is for the patient…what a gift it is for us.
You are working with some of the best nurses I have ever had the privilege of working with.
Your support comes from them…your strenght developes as you care for your patients.
…Rita O.
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thanks Rita! I agree, I work with the best nurses ever! they are so inspiring. and I have heard great things about!
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To the World I may be one person, but to one person I may be the World!!
I cry because I have feelings but I get myself together for my next patient because they too need me as much!!!
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