Heart racing. Palms sweating. Tightness in my chest. Thoughts racing. Deep breath. Count to ten.
This week has been so tough. I’m exhausted and sick. Work is busy. The hockey team I coach has playoffs this weekend. Started a new study group for my oncology nurse certification. Worried about my surgery coming up. I feel like the walls are closing in.
Stress surrounds us. We can plan on it always being around, but not what level it will be.
You know those days where you try your best to please everyone, but you somehow end up being the bad guy? That was today. As a nurse I’m used to seeing people at their worst and dealing with conflict. Today, although I handled it as best I could, it just shook me. In 99.9% of situations I will bend over backwards for a patient, but today I just wanted to hear a “please” and “thank you”. I was so bitter. and now I feel horrible. I feel horrible for not having empathy in that moment, for not getting over myself, for not putting myself in his shoes. I feel like my stress got the better of me.
I used to bottle up my stress until one day I would blow up. I wouldn’t tell anyone my problems. I am a great listener and sometimes carry around the pain of others. I just want everyone to be happy. and if it takes me being stressed for my friend to be happy, that’s ok with me.
Now I am working on letting my friends know if I am having issues. and why I started this blog. and why I go to therapy regularly.
If you let your stress, anger, sadness, or pain build up it eats away at your soul. It takes away precious moments of your life that could be spent with loved ones, playing with a puppy, or watching a sunset.
Strong mental health is key in maintaining good physical health. We need to depend on each other to make this work. If your coworker responds to “how are you?”, with “ok” or “fine”… don’t end the conversation. Take a damn minute to dig deeper and ask her about her life. She might be begging someone to break down her walls. She might just need to vent for five minutes.
Sometimes all I need is someone to tell me I didn’t do anything wrong, that I’m not crazy, that I’m going to be okay. Sometimes in the moment when it feels like the world is falling apart, you just need a friend to hug you and make you feel like you still matter to someone. It’s so hard to feel like you make a difference in this huge world.